Perfectionista

I think my hubster is secretly excited about my new bloghobby, especially around 11pm when I generally enter a second verbal wind and his only intention is to snore. I’m getting into it – got a few tags going on down and some links, have 1 reader – YAY – and it’s great just jotting thoughts down, without thinking of a specific ‘audience’. I’m enjoying the incognito freedom and therapeutic feeling of unpacking this journey but I am also looking forward to less I, more US as I go. But there’s this one thing I need to mention and apologise in advance for.

Perfectionista.

My graphic design skills include a fair amount of nudge nudge, up, down, left, right, up, down – perfect – no wait, just one more nudge till symmetry utopia! I’m also a liner-upper but not just in my designing, also in real life. Perfectionista notices things in detail and wants to straighten them. I could spend my life doing this… if i let myself. SO I choose to rather give the skew or slightly odd-shaped item a sentimental reason for being so… and then I can love it just as is, all skew and unique. Like i’m loved.  So for instance, when someone bumps my car with their door and leaves a dent, i go… ‘ok this is my car and that dent reminds me of the special day i just spent with friends and now my car is sui generis‘. I accept the change and when I look at it, I don’t feel sadness. Trying not to sweat the stuff that will burn… with a little quirky side plate.

Over this week I have also come across Bloggerfectionista:
This is the irritating process of gaining extraordinary clarity the minute I push ‘PUBLISH’. That’s exactly when I spot the mistake and think of that new noteworthy, urgent thought. So I want to apologise (to my 1 blogfriend) if any edits have seemed a little hyper-caffeinated. Not sure how this works… I shudder at the thought of an email being sent each time I push update….. ooops.

I’ll try harder…. I mean less 🙂

OK. Time for a coffee break. And some quality hubster time.
He is busy beckoning me to the pool… I’m pretty sure he knows exactly what i’m doing – tweak tweak, nudge, nudge… and he knows how to get me out of it! I love him!

And, hey…. this fertility journey has not been perfectionista by any means.
The doctors prognosis says that those little AZOOS are a stage or 10 before being ‘highly immature’… but I can say (I hope) that our characters are becoming less so. And even with the dent that my hub and I both carry in our hearts, God has spoken these words over and over to us – I LOVE YOU AS YOU ARE, you are mine, you are unique – I have more for you and I want you to let go, lose control, surrender and trust me. … opposite to how we are wired but it’s good and I am secure knowing that God knows. I know He knows…. and He alone is Perfect and in control.

So i’m pushing PUBLISH and if there are mistakes or better ways of saying things……….. so be it!

 

PS. Ok I came back just to add some tags and I’m straight outta, promise…
pool is waiting, sun is setting!!!! :))

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Perfectionista

  1. Lauren says:

    I understand exactly how you feel about being a perfectionist, but so much of my journey through infertility and through blogging has taught me to let go and allow God to be God. Yesterday was a horrible day, but at the end of it I was able to sit in bed and write. Write what was on my heart. Pour my ramblings out to God and to the 10 or so readers who follow my infertility blog. Although I write for others, often I know that I am really writing for me. For my sanity. It’s okay to let go. Write. Let God be God. Let Him write our stories! I’m going to become your “second” follower 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s