So I dreamt the other night that I was pregnant.
Haven’t had many of these dreams, which is surprising since I dream ALOT and EVERY night. It was actually a nice break from my usual escapades, which (ab)normally entail flying with my little yellow swimming kick-board to get away from robbers…. (altho I just can’t get the same height that i used to and I hover mostly at ceiling level or with my belly just scraping the ground if outside), OR my tooth starts wiggling and then the rest feel loose and they all start falling out into my hand, OR im running and hiding under floorboards with machine guns – YIP – I don’t understand how my mind unpacks my generally lovely days in such disturbed ways – please don’t analyze this too deeply:) !!

So I have been trusting for my nicely laid dream-platform to rather be used in a more productive Joseph or Joel kind of way… and in the meantime perhaps I should really consider buying this recently recommended read: Understanding the Dreams You Dream: By Ira Milligan

My standard recurring dream has varied ways of outworking itself, but always the same source problem. I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHAT HAPPENS!!? It is SO VERY tiring. I either can’t bring myself to put on the right clothes, I keep trying to put them on and I still end up in fluffy pink pajamas and cutting it very fine for my school disco or racing up and down my old school corridors trying to find history class and I just cannot read what my timetable says, exams are coming up and I haven’t attended one single class all year – So these are my teenage versions, which then morphed into a young adult version in travel, trying to board planes and realising I don’t have my ticket and I’m searching so hard but just can’t get back to find it whilst walking in circles…. uuurgh getting frustrated thinking about it as I had one of these last night (running and swimming after a cruise ship because I forgot to board with my luggage). No wonder I often wake up with a strong gravitational pull to the floor. I feel in the morning how most people probably feel when they go to bed.
Let me go back to my last digress (we’ll get there) – my FAV mr faithful goes like this: ENTER CROWDED SHOPPING CENTRE… and here’s me, sitting on a toilet in the very middle of the walkway with people buzzing all around. I’ve just finished the whole toot (whatever that was, i am never there at the time as I always enter late, thankfully)… but the worst is I am feeling the exact raw, undignified, emotional mortification that would engulf me if it was a real life experience. I’m sitting there asking myself “How on earth did i get into this very humiliating position?” and my greatest quandary “how do i stand up now without showing all the shoppers my… erm…. butt?”  *I’m pretty sure I can say butt hey? Because it is only a dream and I say sperm now in public like i’d say hello {that’s cos i’m asked nearly daily whether I have children – it’s ok – It has opened up some rich convos over time, my little AZOOS have :}

So in my dream the other night, my baby sister is pregnant and has an appointment with her fictitious male gynae. I say fictitious with regards to the gynae because she actually has a female gynae and really is pregnant. The first baby in our family. The birthing of all forms of titles for the first time. Happy/sore! But I think I am loving that little baby girl already… and I KNOW that my heart will explode when I meet her.*They say that sometimes little girls come out looking like their aunts… that would be fun. For me. Not my bro in law:)
SO my sis and I both enter the male gynae’s room, he over does it complementing me on how great I am looking since the last time and I know that he has never met me and is just making it up. But it does feel amazing and so real, except for my super apprehensive emotions because i’m nervous it’s just gas and my stomach will deflate any minute, so I move around very tenderly, trying to keep the dream alive for a bit longer, in every sense.  Then I enter a crowd scene in front of buildings which looked like our city’s university but in Italy, and I wake up.  Again it was a nice break from my usual crazy dreams but the feeling remained with me throughout the day. Aahh ‘what i would hypothetically give’ to really experience that… but without the gas…. and the out of control toothless toilet scene too please! Ok maybe I would do the toilet scene in real life if in some kind of very very random, abnormal dimension my prize would be conception.

But I live on this earth… and this is the reality I need to work through and with.
Thank you God that this is temporal and there is a reality to come that will feel like my greatest fantasy.

But i never want to give up hope for now either.
Always HOPING,


PS. best I stop tweaking this post and get to designing her baby-shower invites!


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